Weblog
Tuesday, 01 December 2009
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Mess
Even after thanksgiving break, like on the Monday itself, one day in.. I feel so burnt out.
So much shit happening. I think I like this boy and this boy likes me. My friend is ignoring me because of the aforementioned sitch because she had a crush on him for a long time (though I met the boy before knowing her last semester, and kind of liked him too, just that I never verbalize who I like and dislike), I had a scare with the plane tickets (though its sorted out, I'm flying back home on the 21st of December), I think I'm leading a second boy on (well, I'm really not but I think he likes me and I like hanging out with him though I'm trying to distance myself away from him just to blow off the steam-lust-train), I had a presentation and kinda blew it but turns out the prof didn't realize I was nervous and thought we did a good job of covering the grounds of our assigned topic so we're getting most of the 30% grade anyway -- though I had like a anxiety attack after the presentation.
The only thing I ate today was a few cucumber slices and 2 spoons of broccoli cheddar soup. I have not had any appetite. Well I'm actually hungry but I can't put anything down my throat because I feel like throwing up if I do.
I'm drinking a lot of water, just made some Teavana tea and I've smoked like 4 cigs so far today.
I'm a hot mess. Without the alcohol.
I need to vent though.
I feel inadequate as a person. Why would anyone like me? Because I'm nice? Well everyones nice. Why would anyone like me? I'm not pretty. I'm fat. I'm a pig. I have no interests. I'm lazy. I'm stupid.
And why am I so nice? Like really, why? Why do I care? Why?
I need a hobby. Really bad.- photography
- music instruments - guitar
- writing - short stories
- hiking
- climbing
- squash
- yoga/pilates
- cooking/baking
- volunteering
- art - drawing/painting/sketching
- knitting/crochet
- designing websites
- copywriting
- languages - Rosetta Stone Spanish
- dancing - belly dancing, or contemporary (like PCD)
- photography
Saturday, 28 November 2009
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Losing weight, dammit again
I now weigh 145 pounds. 65kg.
Goal is 55 kg, which is 121 pounds. We'll say 120 for short.- 1200 cals a day
- 30 to 60 mins cardio, 5x's a week
- more vegetarian & organic, less carbs & sugar
- more water
- more fruits
- Mediterranean-inspired
- more wine
- more water
- less soda
- diet pills, fuck yes.
L-yogurt +salad +fruit or a medi-plate (more protein)
D- salad + fruits
Learn how to:-- Do my makeup
-smoky eyes
-winged eyes - Do my hair
-tease hair
-do hair bump
-use curling iron
-classy chignon
Find a hobby (to distract self)- sewing
- knitting
- musical instrument (flute? guitar? violin?)
- cooking
- baking
- photography
- art (painting/drawing class?)
- dance
- sports: pilates, yoga, tennis, squash
- learn sports: football, american football, baseball, basketball
Sunday, 30 August 2009
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I need to get in shape
So the last day of my internship was on Friday. Bittersweet. It means I'm going back to school in a week (less than a week now). And that's bittersweet as well.
I started packing, I'm having problems packing! Frick haha!
Ferragamo flats are def going into the bag, as well as all my Zara clothes courtesy of the shopaholic moments I had the past month!
I need to go buy 2 pairs of jeans. And underwear. More than two pairs of course.
Oh, and I need to start getting a fitness plan. To lose weight of course haha, I have the fattest legs and poochiest tummy. Its bad. Real bad. Summer was tres no good.
Fitness plan to start tonight, 50 push ups, 100 crunches, 20 scissor kicks, 40 chair dips.
Later loves.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
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It all went up
Past few days has been good. No preachings, which I'm happy for. If I have to sit through another one, I don't know how I'd keep from seething smoke from my ears.
My two cousins & moi, out for drinks after Sunday Dim Sum : )
So I packed my bags today. Well, when I said packed I mean chucked all my clothes and shit into a suitcase. I'm not bringing everything thats in it right now, an elimination process will have to commence, much like that of Project Runway scrutiny. I don't want to emulate the America's Next Top Model low criteria of judgment.
Over in Providence, I never seem to have enough clothes. Casual or going out ones. Well actually I do better with going out ones but I shopped a lot when I was back here! So... its gonna be a packed suitcase. Fuck, I need to buy a bigger cabin bag. I don't want to accommodate the overweight single luggage by having to bring another bag in. Aghh!
I bought this amazing dress from Warehouse which I'd been eyeing for 2 months. My sister paid for it as my birthday present, though now I'm trying to decide if I should get that dress from Zara. Love it love it love it. Its like a satin number with black & gold small patterns like leopard print, but its a shift dress, kind of. I love it but my sister said I'll get tired of it fast and it won't last long after a few washes. But I love it NOW!
Trying to lose 5kg in 2.5 weeks. Damnnnnn. Luckily its the fasting season, so that plus the gym + skipping rope = gruelling work in taking that weight off. My legs are so chubby its annoying! All the good food got to my legs!
I'm getting excited about decorating my room.
Double hang closet rod
Portable safe
Ikea FÅNGST Hanging storage
1
2
Love the July issue of L'Officiel.
I'm trying to read up then summarize Psychology 101. Freud, OCEAN, Id, Ego and Superego, all that fun stuff. And Sociology 101 with some interesting terms in my brown leather bound notebook.
I'm boring. It's all for the appearance of wit really, where wit doesn't exist. But also for my own amusement. How sad.
I'm tempted to bring along my copy of Sophie's World in the suitcase.
Currently
French Women Don't Get Fat
By Mireille Guiliano
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Monday, 10 August 2009
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July endings
About two weeks ago, Yasmin Ahmad passed away. I got to go to her funeral on Sunday, 26th of July but had to cut short paying my respects as my cousin passed away too. My cousin Matt was in the ICU for 2 weeks for pneumonia. He was only 45 and his daughter Michelle is only 5 years old.
Of course we went to the service throughout the seven days as well as his funeral & burial. Everyday we went to the house for the services, we brought something for little Michelle. Colouring books, paper dolls, stickers.. just to keep her occupied. She is such an intelligent and good girl. I sometimes just tear up thinking about Matt and how he won't see Michelle grow up. Michelle and her mom are going to migrate from Belgium back to Malaysia so we're definitely looking forward to seeing more of them often. I probably won't for a while since I'll be going back to the US in September but I definitely hope to be close with her while she grows up. Matt was such a great man that always put everyone but himself first (especially his daughter & family), he'd want this too.
Understandably, that was a really sad week to preempt my 22nd Birthday on Friday, July 31st. So sad that I didn't even get a cake. We just went out for a family dinner and I went out for drinks with a friend after that. Another cousin got married on the 3rd of August though, so that kind of lightened the mood up for a bit. It was the first wedding in that side of the family in a long time. I've never been to a Christian wedding before but it was really truly beautiful. I especially like the symbol of the simple endless wedding band with no adornment. I definitely have only the best wishes for Cheryl and her hubby. Such a cute couple those two.
Its about to be 1am now, so I'll get some sleep. Goodnight world.
Currently
Only by the Night
By Kings of Leon
Manhattan
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killthoseclowns
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- Name: Fira
- Country: United States
- State: Rhode Island
- Metro: Providence
- Birthday: 7/31/1987
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 12/13/2003
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